Thursday, October 23, 2008

The Food Thief

I went to lunch today at one of my favorite Chinese restaurants in town. Well, I should say the one closest to me that is decent, for Paducah anyway. I go there often and love the seafood delight. What a name. But I am delighted to eat it. It has bok choy, shrimp, imitation crab, broccoli and all kinds of good vegetables in it. They always see me coming and order the cook to whip up some more because they know that the white woman will eat some seafood delight. So, today was no exception except I noticed they brought out some fresh, piping hot breaded goodies for their sweet and sour chicken. Immediately I thought "that would be good this afternoon for a snack." I was getting quite full of seafood delight by then so I decided to help myself to some fresh chicken. I put about 6 pieces on my plate and proceeded to develop a plan, scheme if you will, to take the said chicken off of my plate and into my LARGE purse that I carry.

I set the chicken on a couple of paper napkins for the grease to drain, or so it looked like what I was doing. Secretly I was planning the chicken get-a-way. I made sure I had plenty of extra napkins. They were those really crappy ones too, you know that will fit in the container you might find in a local diner or dive. You try to get just one out and you get a torn thin napkin so you end up taking about an inch worth. Anyway, who was I to complain? After all I was up to no good......he he he.

I noticed one of the oriental waitress's looking at my chicken sitting on the napkins and she walked over to the other waitress and said something to her. She was narcing on me. I know this because I was watching and I saw the other girl look under the sneeze guard at the food bar and look at me! I of course, acted as innocent as a whore in church. But what they didn't know is that I was on to THEM! They might have thought they were onto me but I was one step ahead of them. I waited until one was taking monies from a customer at the cash register and the other was refilling drinks for another patron and then I made my move. I had, of course, already unzipped my large purse for the items to easily be distributed. Then I did it! I stole food from The New China! I nabbed 6 pieces of chicken!

I went up to pay my bill with my trusty large purse over my shoulder. The woman who took my money (the original one that was onto me) was not her friendly self. In fact when she gave me my change she kinda tossed it onto the counter. I just looked at her. Then she started picking it up to hand to me. After all, she didn't know for sure what I was up to and everyone knows that you shouldn't be rude to a faithful patron. I walked out of the door and said very loudly "RUDE RUDE RUDE!"

When I got back to work I put my loot in the fridge to have later with some ranch dip. I know it isn't right, I have never done this before (except for a couple of cookies once) and stuff but dadgum. They would have thrown it away anyway.

I'll think of you guys when I am munching on my stolen items this afternoon!

8 comments:

Amy said...

ROFL!! That is hilarious!! I only wish I could have been there to stash some in my ovesized purse!

Too funny -enjoy the afternoon snack!

Bill said...

If you eat there frequently, they shouldn't mind.

Bitches.

Lou said...

You have a crazy streak in you that is quite becoming.

Cat said...

I love it!!! Good for you - and hey if it was gonna be in the trash anyway its really not so bad!! Cat

Syd said...

Funny...I could stick a few egg rolls down my pants I guess.

MichelleSG said...

Be careful of those asian women, they hold grudges for centuries and they will get you back. Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold....
Not that I have a problem at all with what you did, totally hilarious!

Scott W said...

Good thing that place is buffet. Otherwise they might slip in something that wouldn't make for a happy ending next time. Happy ending, get it? Nevermind.

Anyway, you might take your switchblade with you next time and lay it on the table next to you. That will make them think twice about fucking with So.

Trailboss said...

BTW guys, I ate my stolen items today for a snack. They were yummy! I thought of you all while dipping in ranch dressing.