Wednesday, July 30, 2008
The young lady on the paint is Chelsea. She is a doll. She lives around the corner from us. Her mom and dad ride too. We have been on several rides together and it is always a blast. They were riding bareback that day, as you can see, and were barefoot. It reminded me of when I was young. I did the same thing.
Chelsea had her new beagle puppy with her. How sweet is that!
He seemed to be doing fine. I can't imagine trying that with my girls.....HA! Now THAT would be a sight.
I told them that Steph was not home and wouldn't be home until late.
Isn't Pearl a beauty? They bred her last year w/a palomino stallion but it didn't take. Maybe next time.
I love having neighbors that ride. It is fun to meet new people and see their horses. I love riding by myself mind you and also with my daughter but it is nice to ride with a group and explore new places. I sure will be glad when the weather breaks and gives us some nice days. But it is July and almost August. August is always horrible. The heat and humidity will make the paint peel off a barn. Until then I will have to be satisfied with looking at horsey magazines and such. Besides, Christmas will be here before we know it!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Mother was a beautiful woman. Full of life and love. She met my father while attending Murray State University. She was from Mississippi/Arkansas and Dad was of course from here. I wrote recently about their first date and how she was shy and "played" with a salad on their first date. That was when Dad nicknamed her Bunny. It stuck. They were married a long time. Three kids came out of the union. Myself, my brother So and another brother Mike. They waited 8 years before they had So. Dad was in dental school and they wanted to get settled before they had a family. People didn't do that as much then as they do now.
She was a stay at home mom for many many years. It seems like she started working part time when I was about 11 or so, old enough to be home by myself after school. She worked part time at a local grade school as a teacher's aide and she loved it. When it started looking like she and Dad might have some serious problems she wisely got a job and a local hospital in the insurance department. She worked there for 15 years until her retirement. She and I once took a charted bus from the hospital to the Kentucky State Fair in Louisville. We had a great time. I am so glad we went because it wasn't very long after that we realized something was not right.
She had just recently retired from the hospital. She had money in savings and was planning on going on a cruise. Something she had always wanted to do. We started noticing something around Christmas of that year. Her speech was a bit slurred but I thought it was due to some codeine cough syrup the dr had given her but it continued even after she was no longer taking it.
After discussing this with her and my brothers we decided to take her to the doctors here. They referred her to a specialist at Vanderbilt in Nashville. We thought at first she might have Parkinson's disease. That was ruled out by the doctor in Nashville. She was diagnosed with Lou Gerick's disease aka amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. She also had dementia. The latter proved to be a blessing because in later years it helped her to not know what was happening to her.
She was able to live in her house for a while but while I was pregnant with Stephanie in 1991 she fell several times. Poor thing. She told me, well she wrote on a pad, she was no longer able to speak, that she needed to go to a nursing home and she told me which one she wanted to go to. Luckily that one had an opening and we were able to move her in. She was the youngest mother in the home. She got an award on Mother's day as the youngest mother! She just grinned and grinned at that. We got her a wheelchair, set up her TV, told the nurses to be sure and put it on Days of Our Lives at the appropriate time. We had pictures of the family around for her to see. We tried to make it as homey as possible.
Her roommate used to talk about her being a young whippersnapper, wearing shorts and such. lol We did laugh out loud. We laughed and laughed and laughed. Mom became quite juvenile in her behavior but I didn't care. I would go by after work and take her outside on the front porch. There was a lady there with a brain tumor that used to take inventory of her purse. I can remember me and Mom dying laughing at her. Mom would point and laugh just like a kid.
She slowly started regressing however. She started to be a bit despondent. The doctor came by regularly but it was the disease. Normally a person will not live past 5 years after the first notice of ALS. Mother lived for almost 9 years. Eight of those years she spent as a complete vegetable. She didn't know anyone. She just laid there. That was where the dementia was a blessing. I saw her frequently. It would literally take me days to get over visiting her. But I did anyway because she was Mom. She was fed through a feeding tube. She had to have it replaced from time to time and in 1999 when the nursing home called me to say that it had come out and needed to be replaced I knew it was time. It was past time. I called both of my brothers and we all agreed to let her go. I talked to her doctor for a long time before I called my brothers. I had to be sure she would not suffer. He told me that starvation in this way was not painful and that she would die peacefully.
So that was what happened. Was it an easy decision to make? Yes it was. Some people might think that is crude but I say "walk a day in my shoes. See your mother like that and then and only then dare you say a word." I had quit my job a few weeks before in order to care for Mom. The nursing home called me that day and told me it would not be long. Joe and I went. We stayed by her side. Joe decided to go out and smoke. That was a few minutes before 4:30pm. While he was out of the room I noticed her breathing was becoming more and more shallow. I held her hand and stood beside her. I started talking to her. I said "it's ok Mom, go, we love you, go home." It was then that she looked at me. Square in the eyes. She heard me. Do you hear me? She heard me. I told her that I loved her, that we all did but it was time. I told her I would see her in Heaven. That was when she took her last breath. I sat down and imagined her soul rising up to The Lord. I didn't cry. I smiled. I was happy. She was pain free forever. About that time Joe came into the room and I told him. He called for a nurse and they checked her and sure enough she was gone.
I have thanked God so many times since for those precious few minutes. I knew she heard me. That was our gift from God.
Those of you who still have your parents are lucky. I lost my Mom, Dad and stepmother that same year. I was 42 years old and that is mighty young in my book to lose your parents. So maybe the next time your mom or dad makes you mad at something take a moment and realize how lucky you are to still have them. Oh how I would give up most anything to have just a few minutes with Mom and Dad. But as it is I will have to wait until I get up there with them.
I have never ever regretted what my brothers and I did that year for Mom. It was time. I know that losing parents is tough but sometimes we have to put ourselves aside and do what is best for them. That is being a responsible son or daughter. At least I think so.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
"I believe I see a fly that needs to be caught. Let me take care of that item."
"OK, that is done, now back to business."
"I love my Grandmother!"
By the way folks, when I picked Abby up at her home her mommy was quick to point out that she wasn't wearing pink...lol. She reads my blog too.
The brownies turned out really good. Well, I guess they were, I didn't have one. Abby stayed the night with us and as usual we had a grand time. I love that little girl!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I am very fortunate with everything that has happened regarding this cancer. Not everyone is. I have seen people with little or no hair, people changing into various hospital gowns for their treatment and such. I just walk in with my work clothes and steel toes boots and hop up on the table.
Cindy from Dr. Zic's office at Vanderbilt called the earlier part of the week to say the tissue samples that they analyzed pointed to T-Cell Lymphoma but was still questionable as to if it is in fact cancer or not. She, not realizing I had already started radiation, indicated that Dr. Zic recommended a topical ointment to be applied to the area for 6 months. When I told her about the radiation she said that was even better, that we would see how that goes. I found it odd that she wasn't better informed as to my treatment plan but I was happy to hear the good news.
So I continue with the daily trip and will wind it up on July 31st. I am grateful for:
Insurance to help pay for this expensive treatment
Friends and loved ones on which to lean on
The convenience of my treatment
No pain involved at all
No side effects from treatment
That this cancer, if indeed it is cancer, is very treatable
For no more signs of cancer
The freedom to blog whatever I feel like
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Here come the horses.
Being escorted by the girls.
Hurry up Mom! We're hungry for grain!
Uh, Annie, must you be up Sophie's butt constantly?
Yo! Homegirl......over here. Yeah, that's right. I'm waiting and did I mention hungry?
As usual there they go which only means one thing. My dinner will be delayed. Yes, yes, yes they will play and run and play and run and eventually will get in the pond. Mom will get mad. Oh no! What if she forgets to feed us. Nah, Mom won't do that, she never forgets about us. We are the important ones around here. Uh huh, yes we are.
I just don't know what to say about this picture. They look so mean!
Uh oh, are they? Say they aren't. "SOPHIE ANN!" "ANNIE BETTY!" do NOT get in the pond. Oh yes, they listen so well as they head straight to the pond.
DagNabIt................they did it AGAIN!
I might as well just give up on it. Once these girls get in their head they are pond bound it's a done deal.
Oh sorry Mom, you called?
Now I know why you girls are called bitches.......ha ha
That's ok though......they are MY bitches! And I love them to death. How did I ever go so long without a dog in my life? I don't plan on doing that again as long as I live.....going without a dog that is.
His owner (Steph's real dad) called me yesterday to say that Riley had died. He had him outside and when he went to check on him he was gone. Stephanie took it well but was very sad. Riley was her dog. He only got him because she wanted one of Sophie's puppies. He was a beautiful dog and had the promise of a great future. His owner was in the process of training him through a local training class and he was progressing very well.
It is a bit mysterious as to how he died. I know that it was so hot yesterday there would be no way I would have let my girls out for that long without checking on them. I am not saying that he did anything wrong per say, just that something doesn't seem right.
But the end result is the same. This precious life is gone and he will be missed by many people.
Rest In Peace Riley
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I was looking over some pictures I took recently and couldn't help myself when I came to these.
Abby's mommy will be traveling to Ohio next Saturday to take care Mia and Aubriella since their mommy is going back to work. We get to keep the little darlin some while she is away. I can't wait!
We were supposed to go to Ohio ourselves this week to see our new sweethearts but since I am taking these radiation treatments we were not able to go. We will see them soon, I hope. Perhaps they will be able to come here, at least I hope so. I felt so badly for being the cause of not going but it couldn't be helped.
So, this week has been a nice one. I love being able to sleep until I wake up. Except for riding for 2 days I have pretty much stayed inside since it is unbearably hot. We did have some drama in the middle of the week but hopefully that is over and Ryan can get his life in order. We shall see.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
I am supposed to tag 7 people and pass it on. Let's see, there is always
Pioneer Woman who will be way too busy to accept
Pony Girl I love her and her writings. Such a pretty horsse she has too.
Good ole Bill with all of his humor and wit....he's great!
Patience - she lives in the same town that I work in & loves her 9 whippets!
Zane he's my buddy from Texas
Jen from Kentucky, she's great!
and my daughter Stephanie who rarely updates her blog!
I love that I picked just the right dog to name her after. Annie is such a sweet dog, so loving and precious, just like Mom. My brother has a Boston Terrier male that he named Bunny. Again after Mom.
She loves to take long rides in the car.
Such a sweet dog. She is very very special, just like Mom.
He called me again this morning. His face is still really swollen but he is mending. He sounded really good. I said all the right things, things that have been said time and time again, he did appear to listen but then who knows. I think the fact that there might be someone who will file felony charges against him hit home hard. The police don't believe what the guy that will/may file the charges is saying but still. I know it would get my attention. Time will tell.
For now all we can do is hope and pray and continue to turn it over to God.
Thank you everyone for your wonderful and kind comments. They mean so much to me.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Wednesday evening he was brought into the ER after someone had beat him up big time. It just so happened that my daughter and her husband had taken Abby to the same ER because they thought a spider had bitten my precious on her belly. Come to find out Abby was fine, thank God, but while there she talked to Ann (my son Ryan's girlfriend) and was told that he had been beaten up and they wouldn't let anyone back to see him. Beth called Joe to tell him so we got dressed and went into town.
He looked pretty bad, both cheeks swollen up, black eyes starting to form, blood caked in his nose but thankfully nothing serious, just a fractured nose. We also found out by talking to the police officer that was there Ryan had a warrant out for failure to appear. This meant that as soon as the hospital released him he was headed straight for jail. The officer told us that if there was any way possible to come up with the $525 to bail him out it would be for the best. You see Ryan was so out of it from the head trauma and alcohol and pills he didn't know what he was saying. The officer said that if he went to jail that way some inmate would not put up with it and would, more than likely, break his jaw or even worse to get him to shut up. After taking all of this under consideration it was decided that the family would get the money and bail him out. Joe and I took him to our house, stopped at a 24hr Walgreens for a script of Tylenol 3 we got home about 12:30am.
Stephanie ended up going home with Beth because she can't be around her brother when he is like this. It upsets her too much. I was sure to get the bottle of pain meds and gave them to Joe. Ryan slept until 10:30 yesterday morning.
He ended up going to his girlfriend's house to stay but the entire ordeal was horrible. I won't get into details but just believe me when I say this. I am glad the last 2 days are over. For those of you with kids you understand that we as parents help our kids as much as we can. For those of you without kids someday you will probably understand what I am talking about. There is a love that parents have with their kids that is indescribable. Joe and I, Ryan's dad, Ryan's grandparents and his aunt and uncles have tried to help him. He appreciates nothing. He is so far into his addiction that all he lives for is the next fix. The next way to get, no matter how even if it involves stealing them, the pills that he lives for. We are done. We are completely through with the help. His dad is done. His grandparents are done. His aunt and uncles are done and I am sad. I am sad because I can't make him better. Yes I know that it isn't my fault, all of this is Ryan's choice but it is tough. As a mother I have always put my children before anything in this world. I no longer do that for Ryan. My serenity is more important. I have a 16 yr old daughter we are still raising. I have cancer treatments that I am dealing with, albeit that is curable.
Life goes on.......my son is back with his enabling girlfriend and her family, he will recover from his injuries, he will continue using but I know one thing for sure. That is that he will not interfere with my daily life any more. To some of you that might sound cold and heartless. Believe me it is just the opposite. I have to keep myself well both mentally and physically.
So that, my friends, is why I have not posted in a few days. I wish I could say it was because I had been swept off of my feet by my husband and taken on a cruise or to a tropical island or a nice trail ride. As it is the truth is I have an addict son. He is in my thoughts and definitely in my prayers. If you are inclined to do so please include him in your prayers.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Hey Sis, just how do you get the good stuff out of the middle?
I'll never tell sista.
Guess I'm on my own!