Friday, July 18, 2008


The past 2 days have not been fun days. Some of you know of my son and his addiction problem. For those that don't Ryan has been abusing prescription meds for about 4 years now. He will get off of them for a while then gets right back in and each time he starts again he seems to get to a lower point.

Wednesday evening he was brought into the ER after someone had beat him up big time. It just so happened that my daughter and her husband had taken Abby to the same ER because they thought a spider had bitten my precious on her belly. Come to find out Abby was fine, thank God, but while there she talked to Ann (my son Ryan's girlfriend) and was told that he had been beaten up and they wouldn't let anyone back to see him. Beth called Joe to tell him so we got dressed and went into town.

He looked pretty bad, both cheeks swollen up, black eyes starting to form, blood caked in his nose but thankfully nothing serious, just a fractured nose. We also found out by talking to the police officer that was there Ryan had a warrant out for failure to appear. This meant that as soon as the hospital released him he was headed straight for jail. The officer told us that if there was any way possible to come up with the $525 to bail him out it would be for the best. You see Ryan was so out of it from the head trauma and alcohol and pills he didn't know what he was saying. The officer said that if he went to jail that way some inmate would not put up with it and would, more than likely, break his jaw or even worse to get him to shut up. After taking all of this under consideration it was decided that the family would get the money and bail him out. Joe and I took him to our house, stopped at a 24hr Walgreens for a script of Tylenol 3 we got home about 12:30am.

Stephanie ended up going home with Beth because she can't be around her brother when he is like this. It upsets her too much. I was sure to get the bottle of pain meds and gave them to Joe. Ryan slept until 10:30 yesterday morning.

He ended up going to his girlfriend's house to stay but the entire ordeal was horrible. I won't get into details but just believe me when I say this. I am glad the last 2 days are over. For those of you with kids you understand that we as parents help our kids as much as we can. For those of you without kids someday you will probably understand what I am talking about. There is a love that parents have with their kids that is indescribable. Joe and I, Ryan's dad, Ryan's grandparents and his aunt and uncles have tried to help him. He appreciates nothing. He is so far into his addiction that all he lives for is the next fix. The next way to get, no matter how even if it involves stealing them, the pills that he lives for. We are done. We are completely through with the help. His dad is done. His grandparents are done. His aunt and uncles are done and I am sad. I am sad because I can't make him better. Yes I know that it isn't my fault, all of this is Ryan's choice but it is tough. As a mother I have always put my children before anything in this world. I no longer do that for Ryan. My serenity is more important. I have a 16 yr old daughter we are still raising. I have cancer treatments that I am dealing with, albeit that is curable.

Life goes son is back with his enabling girlfriend and her family, he will recover from his injuries, he will continue using but I know one thing for sure. That is that he will not interfere with my daily life any more. To some of you that might sound cold and heartless. Believe me it is just the opposite. I have to keep myself well both mentally and physically.

So that, my friends, is why I have not posted in a few days. I wish I could say it was because I had been swept off of my feet by my husband and taken on a cruise or to a tropical island or a nice trail ride. As it is the truth is I have an addict son. He is in my thoughts and definitely in my prayers. If you are inclined to do so please include him in your prayers.

Thank you.


Jenn said...

I'm so sorry, that you have been dealing with this. I do understand how you can say that, I do not speak to anyone in my family other then my kids,not one other person in my great big family,not because of drugs but for something even worse if you can imagine. I hope and pray everyday that none of my kids get into drugs but if they did and it was as bad as you have put up with ,I too would not be bothered with them as much as it broke my heart to do it they would be cut out of my life. I'll be thinking of you all day now!

Lou said...

The "silent disease", but I don't why since 1 of 3 people are affected by it in some manner.
We can only pray that they will get better, knowing that it has to be done by themselves.
I told my son once if money could fix him, I would have sold all my wordly possesions, and I would be sleeping in a cardboard box under a bridge right now.

There are many prayer circles going for our children. It will be no problem to add Ryan.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this along with your radiation treatements. A big hug from me!

BrownEyed Cowgirls said...

TB-I can so feel your pain. My oldest brother is an alcoholic. My mom brought him and his family home to live at the ranch because she was afraid of what would happen to them living in the conditions they were living in. He doesn't drink as much as he used to and at least his daughter has a roof over her head that they can't be kicked out of. I struggle with having them here from time to time because they are destructive people. They don't take care of things and when the things that they use get ruined or broke-they just shrug and leave it lay. No concept of taking care of other people's things, much less their own-Ughhh!

My middle brother is currently serving 15 years for Meth Manufacturing/Distribution. Now, he WAS addicted to Meth, but never cooked or distributed it. But the laws are so screwy that if you "share" with someone else it is considered distribution. He never should have has such a severe sentence but he and my mother insisted on his innocence rather than making a deal with the DA. By the time they realized how bad of trouble he was in-it was too late-all of the people who got him involved in it had already made their deals and all fingers were pointing at my brother. As they say-Shit rolls downhill and he was at the bottom of the pile.
This is a guy who has never been in trouble with the law in his life-EVER. The only good thing I can say is that he is in a minimum security facility, in treatment and has finally started to realize that all of those people he tried to protect are the reason he is where he is.

I know my mother looks at me and sometimes thinks that it should be me being the one that got into trouble over the years. I was a WILD child and no one could tell me anything until I was well into my 20's. I ran with a bad crowd and worked in bars forever. I never did drugs and never abused alcohol after I moved away from the Rez-but my mom just can't figure out how her monster of a daughter escaped and her mild mannered sons didn't.

I know it's long winded dear-but just wanted you to know that more and more families are dealing with this type of thing and you have to do what is best for the majority of your family. I pray that your son will come to his senses soon and can get on with his life.

Birdie said...

You are doing exactly the right thing. To do anything else is enabling him to continue.

It is heartbreaking to watch your child destroy himself. We recently dealt with our teenage son's introduction into drugs. We saw that he was on the fast track to meth, and we intervened quickly and at great cost. We could do this because he is still a minor. I thank God for the people who stepped up and helped us circumvent the downward spiral he was on.

I know that the journey is not over for us. We wait and watch and pray, as I know you do for your son. Parents come together in their pain and bond in hope. Prayers for you and your family.

MichelleSG said...

Ah my dear that is the best you can do and really it is best for you and him. I know it may sound cruel to others but enabling is not good for anyone and that is all that you'd be doing if you fed his addiction. I had to be a part of an intervention once an unsuccessful one at that and let me tell you it was unpleasant. I am still good friends with her parents and they have no retirement left and are just sucked dry. They only stay around so that they can be there for the grandchild once their daughter dies and that can't be long off now. It's a sad sad truth but sometimes life does go that way. The best you can do is be there for your family and do the best with what you have. Much love for you guys.

Zane-nawwaa said...

TB - it's called Tough Love. I will pray that he recovers and can return to your life. It can happen.

Anonymous said...

Prayers and hugs out to you and your family. glad the little one was OK too.

Pony Girl said...

TB, I have not been through this personally but know others that have. It is really hard on a family. I so understand your need to take care of yourself. At some point, you can't spend every day fighting someone else's battle, even when that person is your own child. You have done what you can and now you have to hope your son finds it in his own heart the desire to fight this demon quit his addiction. Because until he decides, no amount of family intervention will really be successful. Hang in there! I am sure that he knows you still love him, it is not about not loving him, it's about not loving what he is doing to himself.
Take a walk, enjoy the fresh summer air, maybe groom your horse. That always makes me feel better!