Friday, March 20, 2009

Just talked to the X

and Ryan never called him back last night. We don't know where he is. Kevin (his dad) didn't know what to do. He feels guilty and thinks he needs to help him. He finally asked me what I thought. That is when I started. I told him that he did NOT need to help Ryan. Ryan is a grown man. He has the ability to make his own decisions. After all, he made the decision to take a drink yesterday. He has to deal with the consequences. I told him that we have helped so much over the years and it was time to let him go. It is between him and God now.

I have made it very plain to Ryan how I feel about this. I will protect my serenity at all costs. Kevin finally heard me. He realizes that what I am saying is right. He told me so many times last year when Ryan wouldn't show up for work (he worked for Kevin) about how upset he (Kevin) was and how disappointed in Ryan he was. He told Ryan this but it didn't matter to Ryan. Ryan was going to do what Ryan wanted to do. Well, I say go ahead Ryan. Do what you want to do because the world is your oyster. You can do whatever you want to do. Including hitting bottom, if that is what it comes to. I don't think there is anywhere else he can go. With that said, just because he drank yesterday doesn't necessarily mean that all is lost. He can still stay sober today and tomorrow and from now on. But that is up to him, not me, not his dad.

I do hope and pray that he will make the right decisions for himself. But again, that is up to him. No one can save him, no one can do this for him. Only God can help him help himself.

12 comments:

Syd said...

You are so right. I'm glad that you realize the powerlessness of the situation. You love him but also realize that you can't cure him.

Trailboss said...

I have learned a lot over the past couple of years Syd. I love him and he has to do it. I am powerless. All I have is prayer.

MichelleSG said...

Much love to you and yours babe. I know it's got to be rough but I am glad you know where to draw that line. Parenthood is a toss up and all we can do is our best and then let God have the rest.

Bill said...

I was so sorry to hear about this.

It is difficult, but you are looking at this through the right pair of glasses. Ryan needs help, but not the help of food, lodging, and the comforts of home. Addiction (whatever the form) is a cold, lonely, and selfish place to live.

You guys are in my prayers, honey.

janjanmom said...

I am so proud of you for keeping your boundaries so clear. That's what it takes. LOVE with concrete rigid boundaries.

dAAve said...

Good for you.
It must be the toughest thing for you to do, but it's the RIGHT thing to do.

fernvalley01 said...

So sorry ,I have no words but to say I will keep you and Ryan in my prayers

Zanejabbers said...

Oh hell, honey. I am so sorry about Ryan, but stick to your boundaries. And I hope Kevin does too. You are doing the right thing. When we are busy in our addictions, nothing in the world matters, we know ALL. You have lots of sober people praying for y'all and for Ryan. Love ya.

Dusty Devoe said...

Tough love is hard. No matter what happens, you will always love him, but you can't do any more than you are doing! Hugs.

hulagirlatheart said...

Good girl for protecting your serenity. I'm sending you a cyber hug today.

On a lighter note, you must lunch at K.'s Bakery. I suggest the Tuscan or the shrimp po boy..with grape salad.

Scott W said...

Hulagirl, stop talking about food!

steveroni said...

So many of us believe if we'd only said or done something else, that so-and-so wold still be sober. How WRONG we are. You said it so simply, Only God--can help the drunk (with his cooperation) get out alive.
Thank you.
Steve E.