Friday, July 10, 2009

Once Again

Ryan has gone to his dad's house. At least for a few hours. Tonight and tomorrow he will spend what is supposed to be his last day in jail. He received a DUI a few weeks ago and since this was the 2nd within 5 years he had to serve a certain number of days in jail.

Joe took Steph to school this morning and when he returned home he could tell that something had been cooked. He didn't think anything of it and sat down in his room to watch the morning news. Annie kept sniffing and smelling something in the bathroom trash can. Finally Joe got up to see what she was making such a fuss about. It was some chicken strips, still warm. Apparently Ryan had heated some up in the oven but freaked out when Joe came in the door and threw them in the trash. I don't get it. We never care if he eats or even how much he eats when he is over. I would be pleased if he grazed all day as long as he was full because that makes me feel better to know he isn't hungry. It's just one more thing for me to NOT worry about concerning him.

Joe took the trash can into the living room where he was and held it up with a question mark on his face. All Ryan did was drop his head. What would make him feel ashamed to eat or better yet, what would possess him to try to hide food from his step dad?

He told me yesterday (called me at work) that his room mate has kicked him out and he has no place to go. He is once again just where he was 5 months ago. No where to live and presently not working. The working is through no fault of his own, his boss is having some issues and isn't working them currently. Hopefully that will change soon.

I assume his dad will take him to the jail this evening at 6pm. I don't know if he will pick him up tomorrow at 6pm. I don't know where he will go or what he will do. I do know that I will turn this over to God every day. It is all I can do. I can't help him, I can't fix him, I can't make it better. All I can do is pray. And take care of my sanity.

The drugs and alcohol have changed him. Made him a person that I don't know. He is so completely lost. Like a small child in a 27 yr old body. I keep praying that he will find his way to help. That somehow he will be OK.

Yes, my heart is broken. Tears are welling up in my eyes. I feel so helpless.


Dusty Devoe said...

I am so sorry Ryan has taken steps backwards. You are right, all you can do is pray and hope he will figure it out before it's to late. I will keep you all in my prayers and thoughts. HUGS!

Scott W said...

We have to get sick and tired enough of being sick and tired before we will do anything about our situation.

Gin said...

I'm with Scott. When he has had enough he will surrender. Until then all you can do is exactly what you are doing now. Prayer and take care of yourself.

MichelleSG said...

Let it so to God, it's about all you can do. Everyone has their limit and I think you've reached yours plenty of times. Sadly, he has not. It will come to him but it's going to be hard waiting for him to get there. Much love dear, hang in there.

Carroll Farm said...

You are also in my thoughts and prayers and you are such a strong woman. Keep praying and God will handle it for you. Ryan someday will come around. :)

Dan and Betty Cooksey said...

It's tough, but you're doing the right thing.


Lou said...

Their old self can come back, given enough sobriety. But it takes awhile, I have seen that with a number of young people.
Cry if you need too, it's a sad situation. But never stop praying. I have seen that work too..on a number of young people.

Bill said...

I took a dinner break, and now I'm back, reading backward through your blog.
You probably know that I work at the AA office in my section of the state. I typically get as many calls from family members as I do the person with the drinking problem. When I ask them "Where does he live? How does he get money for booze? How does he eat?" the answer frequently comes back "Oh, he lives with us."
"Does he work?" No
"Does he pay rent?" No
"Does he pay for food?" No
I try to explain to them that as long as the drinker gets fed, bathed, comforted, and has a soft pillow every night free of charge, why in the world would they see a need to stop drinking?
You are doing the right thing by not giving in. I know it's hard, but the other way means an eventual miserable death for the alcoholic or drug addict.
The folks that give in are really doing it to make themselves feel better, but it's killing the alcoholic.