Saturday

I took off work yesterday to catch up on some things around the house. This weekend is supposed to be one of the hottest so far and I wanted to finish mowing the yard first. I almost got the job done. I enjoyed having some down time. Just myself and the pups.

Joe's left knee has been swollen for several days and is really starting to inhibit what he can do. He went to a Redi-care in Ohio but they weren't able to give him the steroid shot that he needs. Since his knee is preventing him from being able to take care of the twins he is coming home Sunday. He really wants to stay another week with Emmeline and her Momma coming home today, but he can't. He didn't get any argument from Steph and me either. We are way past wanting him home. He has been gone 16 days and I swear it feels like 6 weeks or more. So he will catch the Greyhound bus tomorrow morning and should arrive in Paducah around 9:45pm Sunday night. We will be there with bells on!

I have been having really bad nightmares the past few nights. Mostly about Ryan. Bad bad dreams that I want to forget. They are mostly "out of my control" dreams. Considering that I have no idea where Ryan is or if he is OK coupled with Joe being out of town for so long is a combination destined to make me feel vulnerable. I have always been a strong woman and I still am, but when the 2 men closest to me are gone, even if for a few weeks, it leaves me feeling quite lonely and lost. Joe and I have never been away from each other this long and I have never gone this long without talking to or at least knowing that Ryan is OK.

I turn to God for Ryan's care. The dreams I am having are surrounding me telling him that he cannot stay at my house. In the dreams he keeps trying to make me feel guilty and bad about not helping him. Therefore the way in which he attempts to get my attention in the dreams are quite vivid and theatrical. Last night's wasn't the worst one but it was close. I am always so glad to awake and realize that it is only a dream but it does leave me with misty eyes. It is amazing though how God wipes those misty eyes dry. All I have to do is ask.

I can't wait for tomorrow night when Joe comes home. I am never going to let him leave again! I have told the pups that Daddy is coming home tomorrow. It will be so great to have things back to normal around here. I lean on Joe more than I realized. I have come to realize that in the past 2 weeks. But that is a good thing. We lean on each other. That is what marriage is all about.

But for now, he is enjoying this last day with Amy and her family. I am glad he was able to go and spend time with the kids. Also to be there when Emmeline was born meant the world to him. But it's time to get on home Joe. See ya tomorrow baby.